The effects of parental expectations on college students

| Student stressing out because of parental expectations on his study

Source: Shutter Stock

By Tran Pham Anh Thy

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When children are born, parents expect their children to accomplish great achievements when they grow up. Therefore, parents always make an effort to build a good foundation and healthy learning environment for their children. Having expectations about children is inevitable because everyone wants their children to have a bright future and gain the respect of those surrounding them.

Youngsters used to believe parents' expectations of them only apply during the elementary or secondary school years; yet, many college students today are still battling with their parent's expectations.

Lee Sung Min, 23 years old college student has been held under the expectations of his parents since he was a child.

He confessed that he used to think attending college will help him get rid of their parents' urge to study. Unfortunately, he was mistaken.

"When parents have psychological expectations for their children, regardless of their level of education, they constantly impose their thoughts on their children, even after they have graduated from college and are working”, he said.

Lee said that his parents' expectations were unintentionally applied pressure through their words or actions, stressing him out and making him difficult to concentrate during the learning process.

Thus, most of the time, he was hurt by that unintentionally, even though he knew that his parents had good intentions. He used to wish his parent's expectations were communicated clearer and more moderately.

Struggling to focus on studying, grades steadily deteriorating, and losing interest in learning are those dominant impacts when he was continually under the weight of his parents' high expectations.

“However, the worst thing that I have encountered is my parents frequently make comparisons between me and my peers’’, he said.

The article entitled “Parenthesis: Why you should stop comparing your child to others” posted on The Indian Express in April 2019, pointed out that such comparison causes them to become timid and have low self-esteem, which prevents them from speaking up for themselves. It may cause them to struggle to prosper in the future even with excellent results.

Excessive parental expectations are "stones" that he must carry on his shoulders. He still obeys their parents, but deep inside is psychologically restrained.

Lee said that there was a time he carried hatred toward his parents as their expectations were unrealistic and unattainable. His resentment eventually resulted in psychological problems such as self-harm syndrome, nervous tension, anxiety disorders, and depression.

Therefore, he engaged in disruptive behavior like skipping class or becoming truant due to exhaustion.

The article entitled “Parent's expectations and academic pressure: A major cause of stress among students” posted on India Today in November 2020, due to academic pressure and unreasonably high expectations from their families, it has been observed that the number of cases of students suffering from depression and anxiety disorders is rising daily.

“It is a deadlock when my parents are unable to understand what I want, they never pay attention to me. I could not confess and express my wishes to them because they just ignored whatever I wanted to say. I feel I'm valueless’’, he said.

As a result, having high expectations can lead to further separation between the two generations.

In the worst case, Lee even thought about suicidal thoughts to escape from unreasonable expectations from his family because he thinks he is useless and unable to satisfy their parents, which only causes him to feel anxious and disappointed